1 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,153 It's very kind of you to offer me a lift to the shops, Margo, 2 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,760 but I could have walked to the ironmonger's by now. 3 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,839 I know, dear. I sometimes wonder why Jerry bothers to have the car serviced. 4 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,759 He does one himself every time he gets into the wretched thing. 5 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:53,273 I don't think he's ever got over that time we went touring Scotland. 6 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,915 Do you remember when we got stuck without petrol halfway up that mountain? 7 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:02,717 I'm afraid I do. The recollection of that obscene kilted crofter is etched on my brain. 8 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,312 Oh, he wasn't obscene. It was... just a windy day. 9 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,670 We did have fun that year, didn't we? 10 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,917 - 1973 wasn't it? - No, '74. 11 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,351 - Are you sure? - Yes! I'll prove it to you. 12 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,549 Look. 13 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,309 There. 14 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,399 "The gang having drinks at Gleneagles, summer 1974." 15 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,113 Oh, yes! 16 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,959 There's that silly man from Birmingham in the background, 17 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,435 the one who bought a salmon from a local fishmonger 18 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,596 - and claimed he'd caught it. - Yes... 19 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,836 He didn't even take the price tag off. 20 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:45,960 No... 21 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,071 Penny for your thoughts. 22 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:52,717 I was just looking at myself. I used to look quite smart, didn't 17? 23 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,512 Yes, you did. 24 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,439 You could always wear clothes, Barbara. I must admit, 25 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,155 - I used to be the teeniest bit jealous of you. - Thank you, Margo! 26 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,033 - Not now, of course. - No. 27 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,038 - Not since Tom ceased to be a wage-earner. - No. 28 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,869 - But then, you've made your bed. - And I'm lying on it. Let's change the subject. 29 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,070 Oh, of course. 30 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,556 I've seen the most exquisite pair of shoes in... 31 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,876 Sorry. 32 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,793 I can't get the damn thing to start. 33 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,400 - What's wrong? - If I knew that, I'd have started it. 34 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,875 It's probably something mechanical. 35 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,833 Of course it's something mechanical! The car's mechanical. 36 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,032 Please don't flare your nostrils at me, Jerry. 37 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,234 I'd just like to know the point of all these checks if you can't even start the car. 38 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,999 I check the tyres, the water, the oil, the petrol. 39 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,600 - There my expertise ends. - That's patently obvious. 40 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,472 I'll get the garage to have a look at it. 41 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,875 I'll have a look at it, If you like. 42 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,752 Don't be silly, Barbara. You're a woman. 43 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,838 You've been looking at too many old photographs. 44 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,751 Shouldn't we get her something to lie on? 45 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,997 In those trousers? Huh! 46 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:11,390 Qil'l thought you two were taking Barbara down to the shops. 47 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,113 We were. The car wouldn't start. 48 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,710 Look, I've got a Tillotson's valve waiting for me in the ironmonger's. 49 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,799 - How exciting. - It is! With a Tillotson's valve, 50 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,913 I can siphon methane off my effluent digester at three times its original rate. 51 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,395 Not in the Avenue, please, Tom. 52 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:32,154 - What's wrong with the car, anyway? - Margo suspects it's something mechanical. 53 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,359 Well, Barbara's quite good with the rotary cultivator these days. Get her to have a look. 54 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,835 - Where is she? - She's under here. 55 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,517 - She has had a look at it. - Ha, ha, ha! Hello, Grubby. 56 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,153 (Tom sniggers) 57 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,510 Hello, dear. 58 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,790 No. Sorry, Jerry. 59 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,913 The cable's sheared through. Garage job, I'm afraid. 60 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,792 Well, never mind. I'll go and phone for a tow. 61 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,798 Jerry, if you're not keen on money, just throw it over the fence. 62 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,912 - What do you mean? - It costs ten quid to call out a breakdown truck. 63 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,429 The garage is 200 yards up the road. We can push it! 64 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,438 - I don't know... - Oh, come on. It won't kill us. 65 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,360 How... How does one do it? 66 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,430 Not you, you'll get yourself dirty. Come on, Barbara. In you get, Jerry. 67 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,790 Shouldn't we let Barbara steer and I'll push? 68 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,717 Broad as it's long. 69 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,160 But... 70 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:35,671 I'magirl. - Ha, ha, hal 71 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,393 Come on, Muscles. 72 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,719 Thanks for the push, you two. Stand you both a pint on Sunday. 73 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,558 OK, Jerry. 74 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,278 - Tom? - Yeah? 75 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,279 - Rugby players drink pints, don't they? - Yeah. 76 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,358 Then why did Jerry offer to buy me a pint? 77 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,994 Well, you're one of the lads, aren't you? 78 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,998 Oh, thanks! 79 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,199 - You what? - Nothing. 80 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,317 Excuse me? Which way is number 877 81 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,513 - Uh... down the road on the left. - Thank you, sonny. 82 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,395 - I'magirll - I'm sorry. I've got my reading glasses on. 83 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,592 Well, that shouldn't make any... difference. 84 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,112 (Whistling) 85 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,671 - Hello! - Hello, Curly. 86 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:19,037 Well, it was worth the walk. I got my valve! 87 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:25,636 Here she is! Ah, look at that. Look at that. 88 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,512 Oh, what a beauty, eh? 89 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,358 Oh, lovely. There she is. 90 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,038 Where are the instructions? 91 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,793 Ah. Now. Here we are. Yes. 92 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,195 "For maximum efficiency for the conduction of gas, 93 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,312 ensure that the inlet and outlet ports are lagged with tow." 94 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,158 Mind out, love. You're in my light. 95 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,512 Ah, they're beautifully made, these Tillotsons. 96 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,269 - Yes! - It's the new SFX125, you know. 97 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,993 Is it? 98 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,396 It's got the new metal diaphragm instead of the old perishable rubber one. 99 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,875 Get this on the effluent digester and we're there. 100 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,911 - Tom? - Yeah? 101 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,999 - Do I look nice? - Well, you always look nice, love. 102 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,432 - Yes, I know... Particularly, at this moment? - Why? 103 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,314 Because I've (ahem)... got my best frock on. 104 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,839 Why? 105 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,750 Because I felt like it! 106 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,757 Ah. 107 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,030 Well? 108 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,911 Very nice. I'd get changed, if I were you. 109 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,759 You don't want to get it dirty down the cellar. 110 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,317 I'll get changed. 111 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,473 Cor! 112 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,072 (Screams) 113 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,033 Oh, damn and blast! 114 00:07:54,240 --> 00:08:00,634 - Oh, Tom! Look! - Oh, dear. How did you do that? 115 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,957 - On that nail sticking out of the banister. - Must bang that in. 116 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:08,073 - Well, it's too late now! - Never mind, love. You can always sew it up. 117 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:13,079 Yes. I'll put a great big red flannelette patch on it while I'm at it. 118 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:16,351 I'll tell you what. Cut the torn bit off, and turn it into a mini. Right? 119 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,789 With the bit you cut off, you could make a scarf. 120 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,797 - Shut up. - I'm trying to be constructive. 121 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,549 - Or you can make a nice... - Don't say any more, Tom. 122 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,399 This isn't like you. What's so tragic about tearing a dress? 123 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:32,150 - It isn't a dress. It's my only dress. - It's not. 124 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:37,274 It is! It's the only thing I have left that I feel a little bit glamorous in, and now it's ruined. 125 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,960 But you don't have any occasion to wear it any more. 126 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,877 I know that. 127 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,639 It's just knowing that I've got it that matters. 128 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,196 But you knew you'd got it. 129 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,313 I mean, why put it on in the first place? I don't understand. 130 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,512 - No, you don't understand, do you'? - No, I don't! Tell me. 131 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:59,793 Well, I'm just trying... trying to create the illusion that I'm a woman! 132 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,799 - But you are a woman. - Well, I'm not so sure nowadays. 133 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,993 I'm not so sure. I push cars. I get offered pints. 134 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:14,797 And then to cap it all, some rotten swine actually mistook me for a boy. 135 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,592 (Laughs) 136 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,593 Where are you going? 137 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,595 I'm going to put my trousers on. 138 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,472 (Sighs) 139 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,750 vrrmm, virmm! 140 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,951 Hello! Jerry Leadbetter here. 141 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,356 I was just telephoning to find out whether I can have my car today. 142 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,669 Oh. Tuesday. 143 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,518 What do you mean, Tuesday? 144 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:51,230 Be quiet. I don't care if the spare parts come from Mars. Go and collect them. 145 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,396 A bottleneck in the lube bay? What does that mean in English? 146 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,032 Well, say lubrication, then. 147 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,798 - Margo! - Be quiet, Jerry. 148 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,109 All right, go and look at your wretched worksheet. 149 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,516 No, you may not tinkle me back. I'll hold on. 150 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:10,074 Don't interrupt Margo. She's in full flow. 151 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,757 Hello? Are you the same man? 152 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,637 Very well. 153 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,433 No, that is not good enough. There was a time in this country 154 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,357 when a date promised was a date honoured. 155 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,438 If you promised my husband the car would be ready today, then... 156 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,113 Just a moment. 157 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,790 Did they or did they not say it would be ready today? 158 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,357 - I was just telephoning on the off-chance. - Really, Jerry. 159 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,631 I do wish you'd acquaint me with the facts before getting me involved. 160 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,677 Good day to you. 161 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,152 Hello, Tom. How's Barbara? 162 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,033 Well, she's a bit low, actually. Has been for a couple of days. 163 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,878 That's why I want to use your phone. 164 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,719 - Nothing serious, I hope? - Oh, no. Just a mood. 165 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,797 I'll tell you now, as this concerns you both. 166 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,595 Barbara got a letter from an old school friend, over here on a visit from Canada. 167 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,679 I thought it might be a nice idea to have a little dinner party at our house. 168 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,792 - You two, this Eileen... you know. - How very thoughtful. 169 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,595 - That's not like you at all. - It is! 170 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,793 One tip. If Barbara's got to cook the dinner for this dinner party she doesn't know about, 171 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,433 give her plenty of notice. 172 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,669 Good thinking. 173 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,073 Yes. It would be nice 174 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,636 - if one's husband practised what he preaches. - What are you talking about? 175 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:30,800 Mr Rubescu and his five Rumanian associates at half-an-hour's notice, that's what. 176 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,672 That was two years ago! 177 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,394 If you're arguing, I'll use the phone in the hall. 178 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,909 - We don't argue, Tom. - Of course not... 179 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,715 Incidentally, this friend of Barbara's, is she Canadian? 180 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,229 - No, no. English, I believe. - Oh, good. 181 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:48,478 I've been rather off the Canadians since they adopted that silly flag. 182 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,673 Ah! Well, I tell you what. When she goes back, we'll ask her to get them to change it. 183 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,109 Ha, ha, ha. 184 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,596 Ah. (Shudders) 185 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,400 Hurry up, darling. They'll be here in a minute. 186 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,793 Ah. Good. Yes. 187 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,037 Right. Now, do these go on the left or the right? 188 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,515 - Oris it the left? Or is it the right? - Does it really matter? 189 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,440 What's the matter with you? You don't seem to be looking forward to this. 190 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,269 - I thought you liked surprises. - I do. I'm just not keen on shocks. 191 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,633 But you said you liked Eileen. You said she should come over. 192 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,832 Yes, but why do you have to make it a great big dinner party? 193 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,874 Why not? I thought it would cheer you up. A little get-together, a chance to dress up... 194 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,797 Here I am, dressed up. 195 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,232 - Well, it got you out of those old trousers. - Yes, into an old skirt and top. 196 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,397 Well, you tore your posh frock, didn't you? 197 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,954 Fancy you remembering that. 198 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,994 Is that all that's upsetting you, not being able to wear your posh frock? 199 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,350 - Yes. - Come on, Barbara. 200 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,073 That's just behaving like a woman. 201 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,589 Maybe that's because I'm supposed to be one. 202 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:17,280 You don't understand, do you? You don't understand. 203 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,834 There'll be Margo, poshed up, and Eileen, poshed up, 204 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,394 and I'll be looking like something the cat dragged in. 205 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,432 Look. Stop that. You've spoilt the design. 206 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,233 Now leave it. Leave it. Come over here. Let's talk this over. 207 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,793 Now, don't be difficult. 208 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,832 Come over here and let's get to the bottom of this. 209 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,474 Come over to the sofa. Go on there and sit. 210 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,749 Sit! Sit. 211 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,789 Now, look, Barbara, 212 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,832 we've left all that who's-got-the-best-dress business behind. 213 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,791 - I didn't mean... - Please let me finish. 214 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,673 - Lonly... - I'd like you to let me finish. 215 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,997 Thank you. That's suburban rubbish. We don't need it. 216 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,429 It's gloss. We're dealing with real values. 217 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,598 I don't need to keep telling you I love you, do 17 You just know it. 218 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,950 - Do you love me? - Do I what? 219 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,355 Of course I do, you silly bitch! 220 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,437 What I'm trying to say... 221 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:10,078 If this room was packed with elegant models wearing the latest designs from Paris, 222 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,793 I'd only be looking at you. 223 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,797 - Even in this? - I don't see that. 224 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,434 - What do you see? - Look... 225 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:23,038 .the point is, I'm interested in the beer, not the bottle. 226 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,551 Well! I mean, all this glamour and taming up, you can keep it, 227 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,796 because in the end, it doesn't mean a damn thing. 228 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,592 Do you mean that? 229 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,951 - My love, it is water off a duck's back. - (Doorbell) 230 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,029 Now, look, let's try and enjoy ourselves, and keep a sense of proportion, all right? 231 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,878 - Well. - There. 232 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,472 Good girl. 233 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,395 You are right, of course. 234 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,478 I know I am. I know I am. 235 00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:00,754 Hello, hovv are you'? Oh, so nice to see you! 236 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,189 Tom, this is Eileen. 237 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,833 Eileen, this is Tom. 238 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,911 Uh! Hello! 239 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,753 - How nice to meet you, Tom. - Nice to see you! 240 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,313 Please, come and sit down. 241 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:23,196 Over there. Ah. There we are. 242 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,675 Well, now, Eileen! Would you like a drink, Eileen? 243 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,518 A pea pod or thingummy? 244 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,597 Oh, a thingummy, I should think. 245 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,313 Ah, ha, ha, ha! 246 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,398 Right! (Laughs enthusiastically) 247 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,918 There we are. 248 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,636 Coming right up. (Snorts) 249 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,754 - Well, cheers. - Cheers. 250 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,395 And, may I say, Eileen, you look absolutely stunning. 251 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:54,430 (Snorts) 252 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,434 EILEEN: Bye! TOM AND BARBARA: Bye! 253 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,997 Barbara was very quiet all evening, Jerry. I do hope she isn't sickening for something. 254 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,600 If you ask me, it's Tom who's sickening for something. 255 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,836 - What do you mean'? - Well! 256 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,793 Well, well! What a nice girl! 257 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,356 - Wasn't she a nice girl? - Yes! 258 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,631 I say, I say... you can tell she's a model, can't you? 259 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,391 Yes. (Clears throat) 260 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,593 I must say, I thought Barbara's dinner was absolutely delicious. 261 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,950 - Wasn't it, Tom? - What? 262 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,799 Oh, yes. Stick Barbara in a kitchen, you can't go wrong. 263 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,954 - It was a beautiful dress. - Beautiful. 264 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,356 - I love those six little buttons. - Five. 265 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,149 Well, now, come along. More coffee? 266 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,191 No, I really think we ought to be going. 267 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,313 - Must we? Why? - Thank you so much, Barbara. 268 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,510 Thank you, Tom. Night night. Come on, Margo. 269 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,400 Thank you for a lovely dinner, Barbara. 270 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,272 - Good night. - Good night. 271 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,231 - Good night, Tom. - Good night, Margo. 272 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,792 - I don't know what this hurry's about, Jerry. - I've got one of your headaches. 273 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,957 Night night! Ha, ha, ha. 274 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,877 Ah, dear. Well, a nightcap? 275 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,117 I'm just... trying to get the words right. 276 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,118 - What for? - Yes, I think I've got them now. 277 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:33,237 Two-faced, inconsiderate, selfish.. rat. 278 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,278 Who is? 279 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,790 You. 280 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,400 - What, what, what? - Don't what-what-what me. 281 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:45,799 Don't what-what. Don't give me all that guff about glamour not mattering, 282 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,434 and then spend the whole evening drooling over Eileen! 283 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,553 - I was not! - Your eyes were on stalks. 284 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:58,949 - Ah, I was just being sociable. - Sociable? If you'd been any more sociable, 285 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,595 - you'd have got into her dress with her! - You're jealous! 286 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,190 I'm not! It's reasonable to look at Eileen. She's a very sexy girl. 287 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,833 - What, then? - Well, what, what... 288 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:13,114 What you don't do is go on and on about her wonderful, glamorous clothes, 289 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,357 "Who do you prefer modelling, Eileen, Ossie Clarke or Mary Quant? 290 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,791 Eh, Eileen? Oh, I know what you'd look nice in, Eileen! 291 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,912 - A nice slinky black sexy number!" - Well, she would. 292 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,270 - Well, what about me? - You're Barbara. 293 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,199 - (Screams) - What are you doing? 294 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,878 - I'm screaming. - Why? 295 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:35,073 Because as far as you are concerned, there are three sexes in the world: 296 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:38,033 man, woman and Barbara. 297 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,993 And just once, now and again, now and again, 298 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,396 I would like to feel that I'm a normal, attractive woman! 299 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,751 - Well, that's ridiculous. - Thank you! 300 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,838 ...I didn't mean that! Look, Barbara, we've chosen our life. 301 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,396 I thought you realised it didn't include wardrobes full of flashy clothes. 302 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:59,958 - I only wanted one flashy clothe. - Pardon? 303 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,394 - My posh frock! - Well, you tore that. 304 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,589 I know! 305 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,435 - Have a glass of wine. You'll feel better. - I don't want a glass of wine. 306 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,359 - Have a nice glass... - I don't want a glass of wine. 307 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,191 It's just not your day, is it? 308 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,950 Excuse me. 309 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,518 (Crockery clatters) 310 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,909 Well, that's just being silly, isn't it? 311 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,831 No, it's not. 312 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,996 No, it's not. These are girls' clothes. 313 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,554 And what am I doing in girls' clothes? 314 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,398 I'm not a girl, I'm a Barbara, 315 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,513 and this is what Barbaras look like. 316 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,358 Look, love. Barbara? 317 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,392 It'd be pointless you having a dress like Eileen wore. 318 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,358 You're too short. 319 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,151 (Screams) 320 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,032 - Hello, Jerry. - Morning, Tom. 321 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:50,269 - Ah. The old 4 wood, eh? - Yeah. 322 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,552 Mending it, then? 323 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,637 Yeah. 324 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,000 - You haven't got the car back, then? - No. 325 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,350 Well, that's the way it goes. 326 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,233 - Do you want something? - Me? No, no, no. 327 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,078 Just having a breather. 328 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,519 I see. 329 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,078 - Ah! Women, eh? - Ah. 330 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,398 What do you mean, ah? 331 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,238 - You've had a row? - How did you know? 332 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,430 - I heard the screams. - Oh. 333 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,633 Barbara must stop doing that. She must learn to string her arguments together cohesively. 334 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:52,151 I should say the looks she was giving you last night were eloquence itself. 335 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,794 Ha, ha. Women, eh? 336 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,037 - Ha, ha! Tom, eh'? - What? 337 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,754 - You are a fool sometimes. - Why? 338 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,078 I ask you. We all know Barbara hasn't got much in the way of clothes these days, 339 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:09,000 but on you go, blundering on like some short-sighted hippopotamus 340 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,077 about Eileen and her haute couture. 341 00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:14,158 Come on, Jerry. You're a bloke. You're supposed to be on my side. 342 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,398 Ah, I know what it is. Margo's been getting at you. She told you to tell me off. 343 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,351 - It's not Margo. - Ha ha! 344 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,040 - You're claiming to understand all this? - Some of it. 345 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,549 - What makes you so clever? - Standing next to you. 346 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,150 Look, mate. You're arguing from a very precarious position. 347 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,158 You and Margo have the odd row, don't you? Ten or 15 times a day. 348 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,318 That's just the point. It's meaningless with Mar... with Margo. 349 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:38,796 It's just a means of communication. With Barbara, it does mean something. 350 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,878 - You ought to give it a little thought. - I have, and she's wrong. 351 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,432 OK. 352 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,391 Fine. 353 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,599 Well, she is. 354 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,314 - Isn't she? - You know, Tom, 355 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,432 Barbara once told me she loved you for your sensitivity. 356 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,357 - Really? - Yes, she did. 357 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,916 If you ask me, you've buried your sensitivity along with your potatoes. 358 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,510 - What? - She gave up normal feminine perks for you. 359 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,396 Silly things, maybe, some of them, but she gave them up without a second thought. 360 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,317 The least you can do is respond 361 00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,193 - when she has the odd withdrawal symptom. - I gave things up! 362 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,072 - Like what? - My job. 363 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,270 - You hated it. - Yeah, but I gave it up. 364 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,517 Ah, and here's one. I couldn't afford to play golf. I gave that up. 365 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,599 You were thrown out of the club for shooting rabbits on the short 17th. 366 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,995 I've only got one suit, you know. I don't complain. 367 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,795 Why should you? You're naturally scruffy. She isn't. You should make allowances. 368 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,515 (Scoffs) Are you changing sex or something? 369 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,437 Ah. You know I'm right. 370 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,711 - Go on like this, you'll be on the woman's page. - You do know I'm right. 371 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,400 - Feminist fop! - You know I'm right. 372 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,795 - How do I know? - You've resorted to abuse. 373 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,831 - Clever dick. - You're doing it again. 374 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,669 - Shut up! - Ha, ha. 375 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,192 I'm sorry, love. 376 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,557 - I don't like that. - That was your idea. 377 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:29,118 - Exactly. - Ah, but wait until you see it with... 378 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,475 Was that my idea as well? 379 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,115 I don't think I'll go in for dress designing. Excuse me. 380 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,991 It's a posh frock. 381 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,952 Well? Aren't you going to say, "You shouldn't have'? 382 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,835 It's beautiful! 383 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,675 - It's very impractical. - Good. 384 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,711 Oh, Tom! 385 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,995 - But you can't afford this! - Yes, I can. 386 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:34,716 - What have you done? - I found some money in my turn-ups. 387 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,230 No, no, I... I sold a few things. 388 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,076 No... 389 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,629 Oh, Tom! 390 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,274 Don't worry. I didn't sell my Peter Dawson record. 391 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,710 Stop bickering, Margo. This is Barbara's night. 392 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,400 I shall drop the subject as soon as Barbara comes down. 393 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,351 All I'm saying is, Jerry, 394 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,758 had I not gone round to the garage in person, we would not have had the car this evening. 395 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,316 You realise I can never show my face in there again, after your performance. 396 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,749 I don't like the word "performance�, Jerry. 397 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,717 It smacks of the circus. 398 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,751 How do you know what I said, anyway? 399 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,270 The manager telephoned me to say one of his mechanics had been assaulted. 400 00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,670 I didn't touch the man! 401 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,078 He simply backed away and fell into the inspection pit. 402 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,513 Was he hurt? 403 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,471 - Of course he wasn't. - How do you know? 404 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,594 Because when I said, "Now you're under the car, get on with it," he did. 405 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,074 It was ready in ten minutes. 406 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:52,397 - Margo, you're priceless. - Thank you, Jerry. 407 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,636 Come here. 408 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,394 ? Ta-da! 409 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,717 - Oh, Barbara! - You look absolutely ravishable. 410 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:03,955 Ravishing, Jerry. 411 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,750 It is very pretty! I must say, you still have a very tiny waist. 412 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,670 - Yes. - I do hope Tom isn't going to make us late.. 413 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,998 Oh, no. He'll be down in a minute. It's so nice of you to take us out. 414 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,510 You've got to wear it, haven't you? I always say it's the best way to make up. 415 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,234 - What do you mean, always? - Whenever we have a row, 416 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,430 I take her out afterwards. Don't I, darling? 417 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,949 You make it sound as if we're always arguing. 418 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,435 - Well, we are, aren't we? - No, we're not! 419 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,154 - We are. We're arguing now. - Of course we're not! 420 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,350 - (Coughs) - Sorry. 421 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,550 Come on, come on! 422 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,355 I could eat a horse. Well, a Shetland pony, anyway. 423 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,153 - What are you looking at? - You. 424 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,840 Haven't you ever seen an Adonis before? 425 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,109 Tom, you look an absolute shambles. 426 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,278 I do not! I'll have you know, this is the jacket of my dress suit. 427 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,669 Well, put the trousers on as well. 428 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,678 - They're meant to be worn as a set. - I don't want to show you up. 429 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,280 I got the trousers covered in creosote doing the fence. 430 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:07,233 Well, change the jacket or something. 431 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,272 - Anorak? - Really. 432 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,472 I don't know what the fuss is about. It doesn't matter what I wear. 433 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,718 - Barbara's the belle of the ball. - What's the point, if you look like that? 434 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:23,312 - Oh, Tom, go and put that suit on. Please. - Well, um.. there's a slight problem there. 435 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:24,191 Why? 436 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,713 The suit was one of the things I sold to buy your dress. 437 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,117 Oh, Tom. 438 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:38,119 Well, I shall be very proud to go with Tom as he is. 439 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,120 It was you who said that, wasn't it, Margo? 440 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:48,150 Yes. I think it's an unselfish act on Tom's part, and I applaud it. 441 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,151 Now, come along. 442 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,671 Only do put him behind a pillar or something in the restaurant. 443 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,830 What am I going to do with you? 444 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,589 I don't know. I'm looking forward to finding out, though. 445 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,797 Come along. 446 00:29:14,847 --> 00:29:19,397 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0